It seems difficult to decide whether to roll your eyes or to pass an obligatory smile or laugh really hard on those funny dad puns. You would for sure find these jokes really Pun-ny and Fun-ny! The world is full of jokes, then there come bad jokes, then we have very bad jokes and then arrives at the DAD of all the Bad jokes- DAD JOKES!
The wordplay and the perfect timing of these one-liners account for Best dad jokes 2019 and will bring the house down.
Funny Dad Jokes
The moth won the swimming competition. He did the butterfly stroke.
It took 10 tickles to make the octopus laugh.
Three years ago my doctor told me I was going deaf. I haven’t heard from him since then.
When I found out my toaster wasn’t waterproof, I was shocked!
The bicycle could not stand on its own as it was Two tired!
Don’t ever eat a clock, it is very time-consuming.
I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was to take a day off.
I am an optimistic pessimistic. I am positive things will go wrong.
What washes up on tiny beaches? Microwaves.
What do you call a sleeping pizza? ‘PiZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzza’!
Bad Dad Jokes
My friend couldn’t afford his water bill, so I sent him a ‘Get Well Soon’ card!
Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use honeycombs.
I have a pen that can write underwater. It can write other words too.
The longest word in the dictionary is ‘Smiles’ because there is a mile between the two S’s.
My housemates are convinced the house is haunted. I have lived here for 274 years and noticed nothing strange.
Do not spell the word ‘part’ backward, it is a ‘trap’!
My friend Jay had twin girls recently and he wanted to name them after him so I suggested the names, Kaye and Elle.
RIP boiling water, you will be ‘Mist’.
When I was young I wanted to play the guitar really badly. After years of determination, practice and hard work I can play the guitar really badly.
I hate it when people say Age is just a number. Age is clearly a word.
Good Dad Jokes
Which creature is smarter than a talking parrot? A spelling bee!
The award for the best man on the field was given to the scarecrow because he was literally outstanding.
Recently I bumped into a guy who sold antique globes. It is a small world!
The stadium got too hot after the match as all the fans left!
My favorite word is ‘Drool’, it sort of rolls off the tongue!
My friends all claim that I am the cheapest person they have met. I’m not buying it!
People are usually shocked when they find out I am not a very good electrician.
You can split the ocean in half with a Sea-saw.
If you clean a vacuum cleaner, you become a vacuum cleaner.
My new puppy just graduated from college. He got a Pedigree.
Corny Dad Jokes
Conjuctivitis.com. Now that’s a site for sore eyes.
What are the strongest days of the week? Saturday and Sunday as the rest are Week-days.
How do you spell candy with 2 letters? C and Y.
Where are the average things made? In the satisfactory.
I can hear the music coming out of my printer. I think the papers jammin’ again.
Why do you say ‘break a leg’ to an actor? Because every play needs a cast.
My wife accused me of having zero empathy. I just don’t understand why she feels that way.
Jail is more than just a word. It is a sentence.
Whoever invented the knock-knock jokes should get a no bell prize.
You can throw a pen as far as you want but it will still be stationery.
Dad Jokes For Adults
I was in the toilet last night when the clock struck midnight. I thought to myself, “same shit, different day!
The guitar teacher was arrested for fingering a minor.
Santa clause has such a big sack as he comes once a year.
The only difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb is that you can unscrew the lightbulb.
Both penis and Rubik’s cube are similar to the more you play with it, the harder it gets.
What is common between boobs and toys? Both were originally made for kids but daddies end up playing with them.
How is push-up bra like a packet of chips? Once you open it you realize it’s half empty.
Two deer were leaving a gay bar, One turned to the other and said, “Man, I can’t believe I blew thirty bucks there.
A man goes to the doctor and says, “I have a problem, I have five penises.” The doctor says, “Wow! How do your pants fit?” to which he replies, “Like a glove!”
The best way to embarrass an archeologist is to give him a used tampon and ask him, which period it comes from?
Clean Dad Jokes
Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? Because of the lactose.
What do you call a bee from America? A USB.
To the person who stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you. You have my Word.
The internet connection at the farm was not working properly, so I moved the modem to the barn. Now I have stable wifi.
I could not afford the electricity bill in college days. Those were the darkest days of my life.
I can’t decide if I like my new blender. It keeps giving me mixed results.
What do they put in iPhone batteries? Apple juice.
Some alligators can grow up to 15 feet. Most only have 4 though.
The shovel is a groundbreaking invention.
I have a confession to make. I was addicted to soap. But I’m clean now.
Stupid Dad Jokes
If your house doesn’t have house numbers on it, you need to address that situation.
I broke my finger last week. On the other hand, I’m okay.
I got fired from my job at the bank today. An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
I named my horse Mayo, and sometimes Mayo neighs.
I used to work in a shoe-recycling shop. It was Sole destroying.
I got arrested for stealing kitchen utensils. But it was worth the whisk.
The woman who gave birth on the staircase had a stepchild.
I just got my degree in skydiving. I had to drop out to graduate.
The DJ went to the farmer’s market to get some fresh beets.
I just spent 8 hours linking all my watches together to make a belt. It was a ‘Waist’ of time.
Classic Dad Jokes
What do you call a detective alligator? An investigator.
Why is the letter ‘B’ so cool? Because it is the middle of AC.
Why don’t cannibals eat clowns? They taste funny!
What did Jay-Z call his girlfriend before they got married? Feyoncé.
A child said to his father, “Hey dad! I am hungry.” Dad replied, “Hi Hungry! I am Dad!
I keep having this dream about a horse in full battle armor. Actually, it’s probably a knight mare.
How do you get holy water? Boil the hell out of it.
I bumped my elbow digging for gold. It was a Miner injury.
A police officer just knocked on my door and told me my dogs are chasing people on bikes. That’s ridiculous. My dogs don’t even own bikes.
What did they call the first emperor of Rome who had epilepsy? Julius Seizure.
Short Dad Jokes
In laughter the L comes first. The rest of the letters come “After (L-aughter)” it.
Before the crowbar was invented, most crows drank at home.
What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.
My girlfriend poked me in the eye, so I stopped seeing her for a while.
My boss told me to have a good day. So I went home.
Working out is like a drug to me and I don’t do drugs.
Are you wifi? Because I’m feeling a connection.
Hey girl, are you a water purifier? Because I Kent get you out of my mind!
I just lost 20% of my couch. Ouch!
I am reading a book on anti-gravity and it is really hard to put down.
Epic Dad Jokes
I got fired from my last job even though I always gave 100%. Apparently, that’s not how you grade exams.
What do you call an ice cream that parties too hard? Out of CONEtrol.
My girlfriend gave me a list of things she wants to do on her 32nd birthday. I told her, ”no way we can do all that in 30 seconds.
If a girl with really hot DP comments on each and every picture of yours, don’t trust him.
I accidentally glued myself to my autobiography, but no one believes me. That is my story and I’m sticking to it.
Why can’t your nose be 12 inches long? Because then it will be called a foot.
A sperm donor, a carpenter, and Julius Caesar walked into a bar. He came, he saw, he conquered.
When I was younger I felt like a man trapped in a woman’s body. Then I was born.
My girlfriend left a note on the fridge saying, “This isn’t working anymore. I’m leaving.” What a liar! I opened the fridge door and it’s working just fine.
What weighs less than blue? Light blue.
To have a small collection of funniest dad jokes is very helpful as they are awfully good. To entertain everyone and bring the party to a lighter mood, nothing works better than ultimate DAD jokes. I hope now you don’t need to search for dad jokes meaning, as these amazing dad jokes explain themselves, why they are the best dad jokes of all time.